Talk It Out

On Punishing Player's IC for OOC Problems

We’re gonna take a break from world building today because I’ve seen a particular conversation pop up no less than a dozen times between all of the Facebook and Reddit RPG boards I’m on. A GM has a problem with a player -- whether it’s their gaming style, one little habit they have with their character, or even something out of game like chewing on ice really loudly -- and they want to know how they can deal with it. The problem is that they don’t ask about dealing with the player, they ask how they can punish the player. And even when the petitioner doesn’t specifically say punish it seems that the first thing a lot of GMs will chime in with is how to punish them.

First off this isn’t kindergarten. You aren’t a teacher. Your players are not unruly five-year-olds. It is not your job to punish them. There are going to be problems, that is is the nature of groups of humans getting together. Not everyone is going to be able to handle every little quirk or idiosyncrasy of other human beings. But we’re adults now, for the most part, and the way we deal with these problems isn’t by taking it out on other people. What we should be doing is talking with them.

Now I don’t know where or when this started. It may have been before I started gaming but it needs to stop. A lot of times the problem is a juxtaposition of gaming styles. This isn’t insurmountable, but every time a GM laments that one of his players is a powergamer the first answer from a lot of people find a way to in game torture them, or to just stymie them at every turn. When a GM asked about a player who tried to find weird ways to make the rules get a job done even Chris Perkins tweeted back to just tell him that you won’t allow it. The problem is that this doesn’t solve the problem; it just causes new ones.

If someone did something wrong and you don’t say what it is they did but just go out of your way to stymie their every move it’s not going to change their behavior. I’ve seen it time and time again, it only escalates the situation. Now the player feels like you’re picking on them and their attitude sours, which leads to other undesirable behaviors. Instead of fixing the problem you’ve created new ones. If your answer to these new issues is more denial and in game torture then it just becomes a vicious cycle.

I’ve seen people recommend giving people a curse, killing their family, taking all their magic items, and many other petty acts of revenge to deal with a minmaxer, powergamer, or spotlight hog. The truth of the matter is if you resort to these types of tactics then regardless of what the player did you are now the bad guy. There are places where fighting fire with fire works, this is not one of them.

So how do we deal with these issues instead? It’s a pretty simple answer; a novel concept some may have heard of: we talk with them. If you have a player who likes to tool with rules to get interesting things done but steps on other people’s toes just talk with them. “Hey Bob it’s nice that you like to think outside the box, but when you have to spend 15 minutes trying to see if you can cajole thing A to do thing B it slows the game down for everyone. And really thing B is Tim’s niche so it would be nice if you could let him have his time to shine. I promise I’ll make sure you have some big moments for you too.” It really is quite that simple.

And sometimes the problem can’t be solved. The player is dead set in their ways and it’s going to be a constant clash. It’s ok to ask that person to leave the game. Or if that person is central to the group – friends with all the other players – it’s ok to say you can’t deal with it and remove yourself. Look, I know finding a gaming group is not the easiest thing in the world, but this is your free time. If you’re like me you have very little of it and having to deal with people who take the fun out of your free time is just something you shouldn’t do.

There are also ways to nip this kind of thing in the bud before it starts. Session zero, which goes around a lot, is super important for this. Not just for character creation but for talking with your players about what their expectations of a game are and what yours are. There are a number of questionnaires out there that will help you determine if what you are looking for in a game is the same thing your players are looking for. If you take the time to do this in the beginning there are usually fewer hiccups further down the line.

So in closing, don’t be that guy. If you have a problem talk it out.

How do you handle issues when they arise at your table?

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